Since you said you were concerned about vocal patterns... I sat and thought about Blondie for a minute for you....
I do not know at all if you are as tonal as I am, so I do not know if what I am going to attempt to type will make any sense to you, but imma try. Since I literally sat here and was humming different things trying to suss out some of the distinctions orz
It seems to me, sort of... running through him in my own head that the main difference between his spoken version and your written version is which part of the sentence is emphasized. With you, it tends to start at the start and then trails off. Which... makes sense, when you are doing something textual like RP, that is how text works, but with him, the actual emphasis tends to be on the end.
Like... the first half of most of what he says is the Smile And Niceness and the second half is always the Asshole Who Will Shoot you. The second part is where the real message is. So... even in his not talking very much, there is room to condense even further if you take only the actual meat of what he says.
SO. After all that rambling. I think a way that you could represent this is to actually give yourself some room to let him talk a bit more, because that's the fluff, that's the facade, but you could try to end sentences punchier via word choice (clipped/harsh sounds, limited syllables, things like that) and sort of deliberately arranging things so that the real meaning of what's up is the last thing he leaves you with.
That would be my take on it! I hope it helps you feel more confident about it in the future cause I love him 8(
Re: Gadgets
I do not know at all if you are as tonal as I am, so I do not know if what I am going to attempt to type will make any sense to you, but imma try. Since I literally sat here and was humming different things trying to suss out some of the distinctions orz
It seems to me, sort of... running through him in my own head that the main difference between his spoken version and your written version is which part of the sentence is emphasized. With you, it tends to start at the start and then trails off. Which... makes sense, when you are doing something textual like RP, that is how text works, but with him, the actual emphasis tends to be on the end.
Like... the first half of most of what he says is the Smile And Niceness and the second half is always the Asshole Who Will Shoot you. The second part is where the real message is. So... even in his not talking very much, there is room to condense even further if you take only the actual meat of what he says.
SO. After all that rambling. I think a way that you could represent this is to actually give yourself some room to let him talk a bit more, because that's the fluff, that's the facade, but you could try to end sentences punchier via word choice (clipped/harsh sounds, limited syllables, things like that) and sort of deliberately arranging things so that the real meaning of what's up is the last thing he leaves you with.
That would be my take on it! I hope it helps you feel more confident about it in the future cause I love him 8(